1. There is something we all want to do, although few of us readily admit it: Get rid of guests.
2. For nine months in the year, only my closest friends come to see me. Then, when temperatures start soaring in the plains, long-lost acquaintances suddenly remember that I exist, and people whom I am barely able to recognize appear at the front door, willing to have me put them up for periods ranging from six days to six weeks.
3. Occasionally, I am the master of the situation I inform them that the cottage is already bursting, that people are sleeping on the floor. If the hopefuls start looking around for signs of these uncomfortable guests, I remark that they have all gone out for a picnic.
4. The other day I received visitors who proved to be more thick-skinned than most. The man was a friend of a friend of an acquaintance of mine. I had never seen him before. But on the strength of this distant relationship, he had brought his family along.
5.I tried the usual ploy but it didn't work. The man and his family were perfectly willing to share the floor with any others who might be staying with me.                                                    6. So I made my next move. 'I must warn you about the scorpions', I said. The scorpion-scare is effective with most people. But I was dealing with professionals. The man set his son
rolling up the carpet. 'Sometimes centipedes fall from the ceiling', I said desperately.                                                                                                                                                                7. We were now interrupted by someone knocking on the front door. It was the postman with a rejected manuscript, his arrival inspired me to greater inventiveness.                                  8. 'I'm terribly sorry'. I said straing hard at a rejection slip. 'I'm afraid i have to leave immediately. A paper wants me to interview the Maharishi. I hope you won't mind. Would you like the name of a good hotel?'                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 9. 'Oh, don't worry about us', said the woman expansively. 'We'll look after the house while you are away.' The postman delivered to the author